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What am I missing here?

Postby Laura on Sun Mar 15, 2009 9:11 am

True or not? It seems that guys in their late 30's early 40's want girls to give up everything and just walk into his life. Or what am I missing?

Why does it seem that any time I read a profile or date a guy it all starts to come off as give up your life and be with me?

Is it really a common thing with guys? I dont want or need to be rescued. I like my life. I want someone to share it and enjoy it with, not give up mine entirely to take on a new identity. It seems like even when I have someone for awhile they slowly try to fade my life out of the picture.

I think it is suppose to be a blending of both lives and doing together what you both enjoy in common. We still have responsibilities and chorse that need to be done. I will share that responsibility too. Why does it seem expected that I would go to his home and help with his chores or spend time with his children, family or friends but a favor and something that should be phased out when it comes to mine?

Is it a rescue thing? A knight in shining armor thing? Even when I say point blank I dont need rescuing I like my life it still happens.

Whats it all about?

Laura
 
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Re: What am I missing here?

Postby Char on Mon Mar 16, 2009 2:27 pm

Hi Laura~ i'm finding that it is across the ages and methinks it's a cultural thing. I was on a date last night and he was surprised that my definition of love did not include one partner "giving up their dreams" to follow another.

This to me is need~ not love~ need for both parties.

We must remember that 21st century life still puts a lot of expectations on men to be alpha and to "take care" of" "his woman". I too wanted to be cared for , tho my definition tends to be boxed to "that's friendship"~ yep~ me wants that friendship with my romance.

I am so not into double standards. If he is going to just want things one way that is "conditional" and I'm like ~ see ya later.

I will let a guy take the lead sometimes~ I will compromise~ but one of my boundaries is that he reciprocates.

I want him to know that I need him~ and will let him know how I define that need~ and I will respect how he defines his need of me~ if they don't align~ well maybe we can be just friends :-)

Char
 
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Re: What am I missing here?

Postby Laura on Mon Mar 16, 2009 2:57 pm

You get exactly what i am saying here! I am so the same way!

Yes I do want male companionship, yes I do want him to take the lead sometimes, no I am not willing to give up my life and accomplishments to have a man. Jon and Kate + 8. I'm kinda Kate but more athletic and less germ-a phobic and I am am eager to have a response back fom my mate. I dont want him to sit silent or walk away when I say something he doesnt agree with. I dont want a chest beating ape like explosion either. A simple I disagree and this is why will do.

I want a partner!

OHHHHHH. It is frustrating to not be appreciated for your accomplishments. To not have input from your partner. To be viewed as someone or something that has no real value to their intrests or life just because they belong to you.

I really wanted a guy to put his perspective on this. I'm independant. But not so much that my life needs to be removed. BLEND. What is wrong with blend?

Laura
 
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Re: What am I missing here?

Postby Karmallama on Tue Mar 17, 2009 2:37 am

Awww, sh*t.

You all want us to stop beating our chests now too?



Dammit. First you insist on clean underwear, then you take 'leaving the toilet seat up'. Then you try to make us start 'moisturising' and now there's no more chest beating?

It's a good job I'm still allowed to scratch my nuts or I'd be going insane already.

Sorry, I don't have anything good to bring to this thread... carry on.

Karmallama
 
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Re: What am I missing here?

Postby Char on Wed Mar 18, 2009 10:02 pm

Karmallama~ do you mind a lady scratching her vagina in your company?

The impression I got from your post was that you did not want to Hear where Laura was coming from~ how about stepping into her shoes for a few minutes...

Dismissing her is exactly what she is talking about~ she is at this point in time, and it appears in many relationships, not being accepted as an equal.

By the way I like the way some blokes beat their chests~ when I am not retaliated against for saying thanks, but no

Char
 
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Re: What am I missing here?

Postby Karmallama on Thu Mar 19, 2009 2:54 am

To be honest Char, none of that post was to be taken too seriously.

I understand what Laura means about guys wanting to ride into their ladyfriends lives on their shiny white horse and whisk them away from their own lives and into the guy's world, but I don't know why thats the case.

Personally, I'd be loving it if the woman involved was dead set on keeping her own interests close at hand. I love having time on my own and away with MY friends, so if she's off out with the girls I'd be fine with that. If you try to be two seperate people living the same life, you're always going to get issues because there's no way you'll enjoy doing EVERYTHING the other likes (I know, I've had a wife that thought thats what happiness meant. Gym together, football together, movies together, home together, nights in together etc etc. It smothers the life and enjoyment out of all your interests to the point where you enjoy things more when the others not there because it's something different.)

I reckon if you just state your case from the start, about wanting to have your own life, but with the guy as part of it and he doesn't agree, then he's not the type of guy you're looking for, and you'd be having serious issues further down the line.

Karmallama
 
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Re: What am I missing here?

Postby Amy on Thu Mar 19, 2009 4:05 pm

Wow, Karmallama - why can't more men think like you?! Do you think you could clone yourself for us? (and add a few years for me) ;)

Amy
 
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Re: What am I missing here?

Postby Karmallama on Fri Mar 20, 2009 4:42 am

Amy wrote:Wow, Karmallama - why can't more men think like you?! Do you think you could clone yourself for us? (and add a few years for me) ;)


Sorry, no can do. If I did that, I'd be destroying my Unique Selling Point. :)

Karmallama
 
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Re: What am I missing here?

Postby Laura on Sat Mar 21, 2009 3:02 pm

Thanks, K.

I'm starting to realize its me really. I start out saying I have my own life and and happy with it. I want a blending of lives. I'm willing to give something up.
My first marriage was very much like yours. We did eventually go our own directions but then we eventually grew apart. (Believe it or not we make great friends) I know it is a balance of give and take. One I apparently have not mastered.

It seems that when I am willing to give up one thing.... The take, take take, just continues. Or maybe I allow the give, give, give. Until there is nothing left of me anymore. The fun, laughing, sparkling eyed person becones a giant ball of unhappy and stress.

I guess the true question is do guys really think they NEED to rescue us. Is it a guy thing? Or is it what I am attracted to and destin to make the same mistakes over and over.

Laura
 
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Joined: Sat Mar 07, 2009 10:02 am
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