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[roby]

If kids are involved then yes. But there has to be an agreement, no animosity whats0ever. You have to be over each other to make it work....Then the children will reap the benifits.

[good4u]

If you can get along with your ex and your new partner don't mind I can't see why not.

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Well, I did mean if it's ok for everyone involved, of course you can't do it if there's too much feelings involved, it's quite obvious to me so I didn't think of writing it down to be honest!

Oh he thought it was "ok" too and we tried and he "thought" one thing and ended up doing another by trying to get back at me. So I learned a very hard lesson. If you really were in love with someone deeply and that love is not returned (regardless of which party it is guy or girl) it cannot be done---ever! So it is better to never try and contact that person again. I speak from experience here.

[JohnW]

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Well, I did mean if it's ok for everyone involved, of course you can't do it if there's too much feelings involved, it's quite obvious to me so I didn't think of writing it down to be honest!

Oh he thought it was "ok" too and we tried and he "thought" one thing and end up doing another by trying to get back at me. So I learned a very hard lesson. If you really were in love with someone deeply and that love is not returned (regardless of which paty it is guy or girl) it cannot be done---ever! So it is better to never try and contact that person again. I speak from experience here.

Well, it's not the same for everyone, me and my ex have no problems being friends and we broke up after a 3 year long relationship, so it can be done in some cases!

[good4u]

Perhaps. But ur LTR apparently was not to the point of love, even if you had the fair amount of time clocked in for the relationship. It seems you didn't love her and she didn't love you and it was just a comfty friendship/partnership; this is merely my assumption on my part. But love...well, it changes everything in a relationship...when it gets to that point for one of the parties and the other is not there nor will be. Ouch!

[Eric]

Eric,

Having children w/a partner is a game-changer. That should be a given. It is imperative you try and keep hostile feelings for ur ex away from hurting your children. Working thru those painful feelings about your ex marital partner is something you will have to do separately apart from the children. A marriage w/children is a much more complex relationship than simply a couple w/o children.

Easy thing to say, hard thing to do.

Maybe I'm the excpetion, but i have no hostility towards my ex, despite her actions. If anything i have pity and compassion (I spent time without the children at the start, I know what this does to her heart). Moreover, I never involve the kids in issues between us, nor EVER criticize her to them. I seperate totally "her and me" from "her and them". To the point where I was talking with the kids the other day about me dating, and they revealed information about her lover to me, and then they panicked because they were under strict instrucions to NEVER tell dad. This cut very deep actually (to involve the kis is UNACCEPTABLE), but again, I said nothing to them. They had kept this secret for 4+ months, which for a 5 & 8 year old in incredable, but then I worked out how....I never used the children to pry into her life.

Anyway, my point is that with kids you HAVE to switch off all negative emotion about your ex to the kids, suck it up and deal with it, no matter what the other did. Which is VERY hard

[good4u]

U r definitely right when you say "easy to say, but hard to put into practice" because ppl r not robots that u switch on and off. Divorce is one of the most painful experiences that humans can go thru tho' I have never been---but selecting a marital partner is one of the most important decisions of your life. And when that life partner no longer chooses to be part of ur life, regardless of the reason, it's emotionally devasting. But it is the children who generally are affected the most and the true innocent of victims because of it. Ur children are very young, Eric, and tho' I'm sure you r doing the best u can, they too are working thru mine fields of their own emotionally. There are no easy answers in divorce for anyone.

[JohnW]

Perhaps. But ur LTR apparently was not to the point of love, even if you had the fair amount of time clocked in for the relationship. It seems you didn't love her and she didn't love you and it was just a comfty friendship/partnership; this is merely my assumption on my part. But love...well, it changes everything in a relationship...when it gets to that point for one of the parties and the other is not there nor will be. Ouch!

We were very much in love, we were engaged and talking about having kids, when it ended it took me close to two years to get over it but when I did we kept being friends, why do you have such a problem with it? have you really been so badly burned you don't think it can be done? if so I feel sorry for you!

[good4u]

We were very much in love, we were engaged and talking about having kids, when it ended it took me close to two years to get over it but when I did we kept being friends, why do you have such a problem with it? have you really been so badly burned you don't think it can be done? if so I feel sorry for you!

No, it wasn't me. It was him. I was the one who thought it could be civil, but it couldn't. You must be a better man than my ex, I applaude you. You didn't provide enough info for me to see that it can be done until now. There is nothing to be sorry for me about. But honestly, you r not tempted in the least to want her back? Or have fleeting moments of "what if's"?

[JohnW]

We were very much in love, we were engaged and talking about having kids, when it ended it took me close to two years to get over it but when I did we kept being friends, why do you have such a problem with it? have you really been so badly burned you don't think it can be done? if so I feel sorry for you!

No, it wasn't me. It was him. I was the one who thought it could be civil, but it couldn't. You must be a better man than my ex, I applaude you. You didn't provide enough info for me to see that it can be done until now. There is nothing to be sorry for me about. But honestly, you r not tempted in the least to want her back? Or have fleeting moments of "what if's"?

Oh ok, thank you! in the beginning I had feelings like I wanted her back and the "what ifs" for sure but once I got over the break up I could move on to just being friends with her.

[good4u]

Then what is it that make YOU---JohnW--- different from my ex? Is it unresolved feeling (even tho' he married as an entire life w/someone else) but during his early marriage and even after his first child he wanted to talk to me (but I didn't know that tell my mom's deathbed confession 20 yrs later) but I heard thru the "grapevine" their marriage was on the rocks at that point, but had no idea he had tried to contact me. They apparently worked it out and are still married, presumably happily. I dunno that for sure. He said very insulting things to me causing me to realize he couldn't be friends then when I spoke to him even years after we split. Yet you were able to do it. What make you different, can you explain? Impromtu thearpy, I guess..