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Need men's honesty...

Postby Melini on Sun Mar 08, 2009 5:28 pm

I have been in online dating hell for the last 5 years. On and off, I've tried free and paid services. I work in an all women environment and find it very hard to meet single men when all of my friends are married. Most men I meet are emotionally damaged by there prior spouce, and everyone thinks it's the first time I have heard what they are saying to me.

* I'm just looking for "fun"..which means sex
* Well it's ok to have sex, but I just don't want a commitment right now
* Your a great girl, but...
* You have 3 kids...wow thats a lot of bagage ( bagage, pffft, call my kids bagage grrrr)
* Oh if you were only more slender/fit/active ACTIVE...HA! I love that word, if they had my life for 1 day they would know a new meaning of active, lol.

My honesty with men who do not want someone to play games with them, has backfired. I tell it like it is, I am straight up, I never go in not telling exactly what I am looking for. I just don't understand why finding a boyfriend has to be so complicated, when in my head it's so simple. Why do men not want commitment anymore? Why do men fear being treated well, when they say they don't want a bitch? The whole dating concept has been incredibly overwhelming and exsausting and I have just been at the end of my rope with it. If I didn't feel that I wanted a long-term manogamous relationship so badly to complete my already perfect life, I would just stay single!

Melini
 
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Re: Need men's honesty...

Postby Char on Mon Mar 09, 2009 4:16 pm

Melini~ how frustrating! You are a beautiful woman physically~ curves, lovely smile and your eyes just "pop" with enthusiasm and self confidence in your photo. And at the emotional level you are rocking~ three kids and still making time to share with others and to put yourself first occasionally.

Methinks perhaps it is the mental/intellectual level that is the challenge for some men. When there is baggage they are already undermining themselves as "not good enough". They meet you and they are like~ freak, I so am not worth this woman, I will disappoint her and then be shown again how I am a failure.

I find the boys are the ones that try to undermine my self-confidence with statements about my physical being (your nose is too big, buck tooth bunny, hey look-no titties etc); the bullies are the ones that try to undermine my confidence by telling me I am arrogant, up-myself, a slut (bus stop is common), junk, and broken is very popular too.

A lama in the mountains suggests that one live life as a lacquered cup~ one bounces, not breaks~ this is a strength that really scares the crap out of some people (female and male). They can't control you, when u fall u get up and you-do-what-they-don't-dare-do~ draw on inner strength and not the external social positioning and social validation.

Char
 
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Joined: Sun Feb 22, 2009 2:52 am
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Re: Need men's honesty...

Postby Melini on Mon Mar 09, 2009 7:12 pm

Thank you Char for you insight and amazing compliments. If anything I think men would fear your intellegence. Peace and good luck to you too

Melini
 
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Joined: Sun Mar 08, 2009 5:04 pm
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Re: Need men's honesty...

Postby Char on Mon Mar 09, 2009 10:52 pm

:-)actually~ scary is a term that get's bandied about too :-)tho perhaps not with the meaning that you give it.

I do meet Men who are accepting of my approach to life~ and they get to be special regardless of where they are on my relationship continuum (acquaintance, friend, lover, partner ...)

Thank you for your compliments and trust to share your

Char
 
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Re: Need men's honesty...

Postby Karmallama on Wed Mar 11, 2009 2:05 pm

Melini, whatever you do, don't change from telling it how it is. So many people play mind games and try to get the 'upper hand' in their relationships for no good reason... I mean it's not like you win a prize or get points for being the winner is it?

Stick to being you and keeping your priorities together. Not all men are shallow enough to just want to get laid, write a great woman off because she has kids or be turned off by appearances. The good news is that you don't want those dumb b*stards anyway, so they're saving you a job.

Keep going as you are and with a bit of luck a good bloke will be just around the corner. :)

Karmallama
 
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Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2009 8:50 pm
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Re: Need men's honesty...

Postby Charles on Sat Mar 14, 2009 3:01 pm

Men nLove Sey Right , Heah The Love Lots Of Good Sex,,,,


But Let Me tell You Ladies, When Its Time to Make A Decision About Marriage, Sex Will Alsray Have Been Experienced and Enjoyed and Thats When The Othe Othe Stuff That Women Bring Into The Relation Count Most
. Being A Mother to The Man Himself,
. Keeping It Clean
. Supportiveness
.Lots Of That Sex without Diminishing Value
.Less of Quarrelling Like My Mother.
.
.
.
. :evil:

Charles
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Mar 14, 2009 2:31 pm
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Re: Need men's honesty...

Postby Karmallama on Sat Mar 14, 2009 3:50 pm

I'll tell you what, the last thing I want to be thinking about during sex is my mother.

Karmallama
 
Posts: 275
Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2009 8:50 pm
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Re: Need men's honesty...

Postby Melini on Sun Mar 15, 2009 7:04 pm

:DExactly what I was thinking!!!

Melini
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Mar 08, 2009 5:04 pm
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Re: Need men's honesty...

Postby luvly bobby on Tue Mar 24, 2009 1:45 am

Melini wrote:I have been in online dating hell for the last 5 years. On and off, I've tried free and paid services. I work in an all women environment and find it very hard to meet single men when all of my friends are married. Most men I meet are emotionally damaged by there prior spouce, and everyone thinks it's the first time I have heard what they are saying to me.

* I'm just looking for "fun"..which means sex
* Well it's ok to have sex, but I just don't want a commitment right now
* Your a great girl, but...
* You have 3 kids...wow thats a lot of bagage ( bagage, pffft, call my kids bagage grrrr)
* Oh if you were only more slender/fit/active ACTIVE...HA! I love that word, if they had my life for 1 day they would know a new meaning of active, lol.

My honesty with men who do not want someone to play games with them, has backfired. I tell it like it is, I am straight up, I never go in not telling exactly what I am looking for. I just don't understand why finding a boyfriend has to be so complicated, when in my head it's so simple. Why do men not want commitment anymore? Why do men fear being treated well, when they say they don't want a bitch? The whole dating concept has been incredibly overwhelming and exsausting and I have just been at the end of my rope with it. If I didn't feel that I wanted a long-term manogamous relationship so badly to complete my already perfect life, I would just stay single!

Well dear let me congratulate you first for you are very beautiful.I think mental levels vary with age. Certainly if u r looking to date guys half your age, the result will be as u quoted above. Seek someone near to your age and just be natural. You don't need to change much for other's whims. Yes it's difficult to live alone, but it is more difficult to live with someone who is not up to your mental level. Definitely kids are not baggage. Someone has to play with kids to know of their innocence & undemanding love & the ease with which they forgive & forget. All the best dear!

luvly bobby
 
Posts: 6
Joined: Tue Mar 24, 2009 1:16 am
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Re: Need men's honesty...

Postby Melini on Wed Mar 25, 2009 8:22 pm

:DThank you for your insight Bobby, I wish I would hear that more often then I do. Cheers!

Melini
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Mar 08, 2009 5:04 pm
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