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[Red51]

Why do women cheat. It's not just men. I caught my ex in bed with another guy that is why she's my ex now.

Even if you are a boyfreind grifreind husband and wifes. Some one going to cheat on some one look at HollyWood
they got alot of divorces going through Another name for Cheater Is a Player and playing with some ones heart
is really wrong.

Sweety,you are right about the amount of cheating going on (something like 60 percent of all men and 45 percent of women cheat), but I wouldn't use Hollywood as an example. The people out there are under tremendous stresses that we never see--from paparazzi, magazines, agents, the leach-like hangers-on who pressure them into drugs, alchohol, cheating, and other self-destructive acts. Those poor people are not the mirror we need to look at ourselves.

You are also right about cheaters being players, but not all of them. Some cheaters are sociopaths, some are cowards, some are excitement junkies, and some are just stupid. I've never met a cheater that I can trust.

[Abit]

Just for fun! at least I'm...

[Optiron]

I think that the reason people cheat is because monogamy is not a natural thing. Look in the animal kingdom. Very few species practice it. We tend to but it goes against primal natural instinct. Some cant fight that instinct.

[Red51]

Sorry, Optiron; you're facts aren't accurate. Many (and I do mean many) species in the wild mate for life. Check it out. Using this "we're all being just one with nature" when we cheat doesn't cut it. It's a lazy person's excuse to justify degrading their integrity as a person. People cheat because they choose to; nature has nothing to do with it.

[James]

Uhh... I think that almost everything we do is based both on choice and nature. Honestly if you look at so-called monogamy in nature, you'll see that a lot of it is a sham...that is, some birds that appear to mate for life actually cheat on each other, as one example... and while MANY species may be monogamous, it looks like the VAST majority are decidedly not.

How do we know that it's human nature to be? Marriage/monogamy is a social construct, it doesn't seem to always be a natural one..Genetically it's in our best interests to be semi-monogamous at best.. Also just because marriage has existed for thousands of years doesn't mean people haven't cheated since the beginning of time.

In short, the 'nature' explanation DOES cut it. Of course I don't agree with cheaters but whaddyagonnado

[Red51]

Hey James,

I won't argue the "natural" and "human nature" side simply because it's a detour (and I agree fully with you that it's real) and excuse that cheaters use to see themselves as guilt-free..

You did mention "social construct;" this is where real answers lie. Dating, marriage, wars, legal contracts, and about a million other things--for good or bad-- that distinguish us from the rest of mammilian life on this planet are all social constructs. As humans, we created them so that we would refrain from (or decide to) wipe out the man/apes in the next valley, etc. Culture is a social construct we've chosen for ourselves to become who we are.

Now, what makes a social construct work? In the beginning when problems were small and simple, it was honesty and integrity. On the surface, these seem exactly the same, but they aren't; honesty is being truthful (and true) with others, and integrity is being truthful (and true) to yourself. These qualities or lack of them make social relationships work or crash.

The real question here: Are we controlled by our human nature (i.e., are we just animals), or do we rise above it and become more? In the end, no one can really answer this question for humans as a race. We can, however, answer yes or no when we face the mirror. It needs to start here.

I don't claim perfection, but I've never cheated, and I feel that those who do cheat have chosen a path other than integrity for themselves. I'd sure like to hear from others on this because I've gone on far too long here!

[Kristofer]

Funny you should ask... you have to look inward. Because, you see, it's not just us "guys" who cheat. Women (my first ex included) cheat too. The reasons are probably as varied as each situation. People cheat, mainly, for several reasons:

1. They are unhappy in their current situation but they lack the courage [...]

2. or they are people with sociopathic leanings [...]

3. They convince themselves that they are just adding spice to their lives [...]

4. They came from a broken home [...]

Now, I bet I'll get a lot of flack!

There's so much truth in this.

But I've read somewhere the difference between males and females are as follows; we guys want to be "admired" while women want to be "appreciated".

From my own personal experience after the relationship has lasted couple of years, those feelings fade away, the female stops "admiring" you, she no longer cares about her look, she doesn't laugh at your stupid corny jokes anymore, she might even fart in front of you, she argues and whines a lot and she's stopped wearing make up or dressing up for you. But at some point you will meet a girl, that does admire you. One way or the other, you will fall for that girl, the choice on how you will act however is up to you, which basically depends on the "four" reasons up there, and what kind of character your "boy friend/girlfriend (etc) is/are... I personally dumped my ex for that crush, which is by the way biggest mistake I've ever made, but I have learned from it, and to be honest wouldn't change it if I could, what happened, happened, end of story...



I think, females are more complicated creatures, and I'd be generalizing if I said they never cheat, but I'm positive the majority of them don't, they are mostly faithful until the end...

But for them, it's to be appreciated, and as long as we show them how much we appricate them, they will stay with us, sadly, many women stay in bad relationships because of this, and of fear of leaving the guy, but at any rate, that just shows how powerful this feeling can be.
All it takes is listening to her, see things from her perspective, be with her, shower her with attention, every ones in a while taking her out to dinner or do stuff with her, if you loose these things, and a Casanova comes a long in her life and sits down with her to listen to her complaints about you...
Well let's just say you know how Casanova's magic works



(Those examples above were just cliches, I'm sure you can add/edit it with your own words, and describe it better)