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Bed partner or boyfriend?

Postby Laura on Sat Mar 07, 2009 10:14 am

Been with a guy that owns a home an hour away. We have been together on and off for three years. He stays with me most of the time. (Our families and friends are here) He wants me to go on every occasion with him, but does not want to participate in my family or friend gatherings. If he goes to them he is anti-social, always one excuse or another. When I ask him why or where he sees our future, he gets mad and goes home. I never get an answer. He is starting to look like a bed partner to me. I want a real partner. Time to end it?

Laura
 
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Re: Bed partner or boyfriend?

Postby Karmallama on Sat Mar 07, 2009 11:33 am

You need an answer one way or the other, or it'll be going nowhere.

If running away is his only answer to your questions, which in my opinion are perfectly reasonable, then it might be a good indication of his real answer, which he isn't comfortable giving you. For me, you should sit him down and let him know how serious the issue is and that he might lose you if he doesn't start communicating properly. Showing up and smiling for the camera at your family events is hardly an unreasonable request. (You don't look like you're related to ogres or witches)

Just make sure you're careful not to make it an agressive ultimatum, because that'd be more likely to get a bad reaction out of a guy regardless of his real feelings, and you don't need the pain of a big argument that could have been avoided.

Karmallama
 
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Re: Bed partner or boyfriend?

Postby Char on Sat Mar 07, 2009 1:37 pm

I agree with Karma llama~ you are not getting a straight answer.

If one of your boundaries is to know where you stand in a relationship~ and that is not being met~ then you'd be settling for less than what you want.

maybe he has all these wild ideas about "commitment", his assumptions and presumptions running overtime based on past baggage. In which case he needs to pull his head from his bum and LISTEN to what you want, not presume to know it based on whatever conversations you have had so far.

But if he doesn't want to put his cards on the table, and "see" yours~ that to me indicates a lack of trust on his part. Which would beg the question~ why is he here? Which I would answer~ because he is dependent.

Following this line of thought, you have provided him with a "safe space" and he probably feels threatened by your family.

Char
 
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Re: Bed partner or boyfriend?

Postby Laura on Sat Mar 07, 2009 2:12 pm

I agree with both of you. When sat down to a "this is really important to me" conversation. With a question of where do you see us and where are we going? The response was all about me being in a "mood"? I was very non threatning and all about, What do you want? The result was the same, he up and left again.

It't time to move on. I need a real partner and not a bed warmer.

Thanks both of you for your advice.

Laura
 
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Re: Bed partner or boyfriend?

Postby Char on Sat Mar 07, 2009 3:59 pm

at least you have a much better idea of what you want from a partner.

I suggest you date date date~ and just get to know guys (the ones who let you are called Men :-). I've heard this called "data collection" you just get more and more info about what you are looking for in a Man that you see as "partner" material.

And make the occasional solid friend (or some other surprising label :-)along the way.

Char
 
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Re: Bed partner or boyfriend?

Postby bobby on Mon Mar 09, 2009 1:48 am

Laura wrote:Been with a guy that owns a home an hour away. We have been together on and off for three years. He stays with me most of the time. (Our families and friends are here) He wants me to go on every occasion with him, but does not want to participate in my family or friend gatherings. If he goes to them he is anti-social, always one excuse or another. When I ask him why or where he sees our future, he gets mad and goes home. I never get an answer. He is starting to look like a bed partner to me. I want a real partner. Time to end it?
Well dear i seriously think the following possibilities:
1. As u r very beautiful, he may be using u to flaunt his status, just like his other assets/money.
2.As he is mostly staying with u, he is naturally enjoying the free ride without any serious commitment on his part.
3.he may not be attending your family functions as some guys remain aukward throughout their life in company of new people.
One is sure he is using u without having any serious commitments. so my advice move out fast lady before it's too late. Enjoy life :lol:

bobby
 
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Re: Bed partner or boyfriend?

Postby Laura on Mon Mar 09, 2009 2:13 pm

I parted with him. I suppose. I was looking for reaffermation of what I already know. I appreciate the support.

Laura
 
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Re: Bed partner or boyfriend?

Postby Char on Mon Mar 09, 2009 3:36 pm

All the best Laura~ and right on! for standing by your boundaries. You are going to draw some wonderful men your way with your authenticness methinks :-)

Char
 
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Re: Bed partner or boyfriend?

Postby Waisale on Fri Mar 20, 2009 7:56 am

If he's startin to treat you that way then you might as well leave him for good. There's no harm in that. I mean, there are so many guys out there who are longing for a true frienship, and you deserve a chance. It's not the end of the world.

Waisale
 
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Re: Bed partner or boyfriend?

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EAK_LOVE
 
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