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[SarcasticGreyson]

I am tired of exerting a ton of effort into what seems to be a sure thing, only to have the person utterly break my heart, because they talk themselves into believing there is some sick and twisted thing wrong with me.

I am so tired of having to live down the stereotypes of the sickos of the world. Why did I have to be made good, kind, nice, and loving. Why can't someone want that? Or if they say they do, why do the invent a bunch of untrue crap, to justify their own fears? Its not my fault, and its very unfair.

I am not selfish, I am not mean, I am very sensitive - apparently a flaw for a man, I listen to what a woman has to say, and what she enjoys and likes - also apparently a flaw. I go out of my way to make sure someone will have a great time - apparently this is a flaw too....Do women just want a man who will treat them like a piece of garbage?

Cause after being alone for 36 years, and every single man I know whose not single, is pretty much a rude, self centered bastard.

[Char]

Hi Sarcastic one~ methinks it may be that whole grey area you provide to enrich your personality~ the limitless possibilities and general fuzziness of such an approach to life is confusing for those of a borg mentality where people go into discrete boxes, and then one tries to keep them there.

A dear friend of mine (once a lover) is so much going through an experience such as you are describing. He wears his heart on his sleeve, is open to experience, delights in the awesomeness of life and does not take for granted people, animals, plants and the rest of the universe.

No~ women do not want to be treated like a piece of garbage~ just as men do not. I wonder if men in general just want to be with a doll~ someone who adores them continuously, doesn't disagree with them, focuses only on them and who will back him up in his social game of "top dog" and prove her ability to win at top dog with her female crowd, or suffer his retaliation if she chooses not these behaviours.

I wonder...then tell myself~ no way~ there are a myriad examples of females and males past and present who are eagles, not crows, and who will welcome a person such as yourself like cool water as they have roamed a dry predictable desert for so long.

Besides~ you are never alone~ read some Rumi, Gibran or Terry Pratchett if you forget

[SarcasticGreyson]

Do I simply chase the wrong women?

If someone's outside beauty catches my eye, and I am eager to know who they are on the inside, is there some thing wrong with that? I cannot help that I have a visual attraction to someone. I do not know how to shut that off.

[Endora]

I have similar experiences from the other side of the fence, and with hindsight I can see unhealthy patterns in the men I go for, in the way I am with them. It's my own fault if I pick a firey tempered man who walks all over me because I'm afraid of his temper and let him get away with it. I've tried to make a note to self - stop going for that kind of man, and expand your horizons.

At the end of the day we also have to take responsibility when we let people treat us badly, or let relationships get unhealthy. It's never all one person's fault.

So my advice to you would be to take a step back and really examine your past relationships. Does a certain cycle or pattern emerge? Also don't be in a rush when you see a pretty woman - especially if you just walked past the woman who is far more beautiful on the inside but you didn't even notice her. Take your time, if she's the right one for you she isn't going anywhere.

[Char]

there is nothing wrong with wanting to get to know a person more~ however, if that is not waht the other wants~ that is their right.

If you date a myriad of women, including those you are not attracted to, you are more likely to discover the beauty on the inside that you are looking for.

There are many women who are considered beautiful by society that are just as beautiful inside and willing to share that~ but if you only look to beautiful women you are not walking your talk; there are men I have not initially been attracted to physically, within half hour of chatting and messing around etc I am thinking~ gee, you are fun!/considerate/deep etc