FreeHookup Dating Community

[Tricky]

I am really only ranting here, so feel free to ignore it if you'd like but it's irritating to me so why not ask for opinions? I'll simply state the question first because it'll be followed by a bunch of my bickering - just in case you feel like skipping that part.

So... are all women pre-judging?

The basis of the question is simple really. It's not really just women, but for the concept of FreeHookup, we'll go with it. Basically, I'm 23 and I wear a flat-billed hat most of the time. I wear it "sideways" because if it were forward or backwards, I'd look like an idiot.

I play a pool a lot so I'm constantly at a bar near me even though I hardly ever drink. So I'm constantly seeing a lot of attractive girls around my age. The issue being that people judge "who you are" based on soley what you look like. Take me for example: I'm automatically put into the "wigger" group because of my hat. Without speaking to me, getting to know me, or even taking one look at ANYTHING but my hat - that is my classification 98% of the time.

I am far from a "wigger" in actuality. I wear "preppy" clothes apart from my hat. I hardly ever talk in slang unless I'm screwing around with people I actually know; truthfully, I am the 23-year old that takes too much pride in correcting people's incorrect English. I am down-to-Earth, try to have a good time, and avoid drama - to me, that seems to be the exact opposite of what I always get classified as.

In reality, I understand that wearing my hat sideways is adolescent and is considered immature to some people. However, I want to enjoy my younger years and it gives me a reason to act goofy. I'm a kid at heart - I like a lot of stupid, tacky, and petty things. I always thought that was a good quality...? Who wants to be with someone that doesn't enjoy their life?

[Dino]

We, men, we always stay kids, just size of toys change as we get older

It's up to you, either continue being fully yourself and hope that one girl will see pass all that or maybe give it a shot and take the hat off once and see if it's really the hat

And I don't think hat is such a big problem... could even work to your advantage when approaching girls since they would already have their mind made up about you and who you are and then blow their minds away with some intellectual talk/flirt and show em just wrong they were about you.

But also know that not all girls like such looks on men, just as we don't like all looks on girls.

So, yeah.

Keep it real!

[Tricky]

That is another aspect about me that I really cannot stand though. I wear my hat to cover up my hair. I own curved billed hats too - I simply have an infatuation with my hat matching the rest of my outfit so my black hat matches 90% of my clothes.

However, onto the other aspect I was mentioning. I have the hairline of a 40-year old balding man... it is horrible. My hair started receeding when I was 18 and in high school and hasn't stopped since. Hence, I refuse to NOT wear a hat because then I'd look even more rediculous, in my opinion. I don't shave my head because it just doesn't look right on me so I'm doomed to the fate of wearing a hat at all times.

Regardless, your insight was quite impressive and I'm pleased with what you said. Thanks for putting the time into answering the issue.

[Meg]

tricky,

being judged is annoying and horrible. but if you know the reasons why your doing it and your confident in your self. being true to yourself then you will have to let it go over your head. If it still really bothers you then change something because deep down i think you know people will never really change where judging is concerned.

[Kreshanti]

Just a very random thought... I can totally understand that you don't wanna not wear a hat... but if the receding hairline is the issue then perhaps you need to do something about that. Some of us girls are more perceptive than you think - maybe the girls arent judging you 'cos of the hat but because of the insecurity that you have that leads you to wear the hat. In my opinion i'd much rather date a not so great looking secure and confident guy as opposed to a HOT insecure guy...
By the way... I had a friend who also had a receding hairline - that was totally aggravated by him wearing a cap... When he finally stopped wearing the cap his hair actually started growing again
Otherwise, it's just in our nature to judge!
All the best!

[Tricky]

Meg,

The great thing about me is that I take nothing personal. For being 23, I've been down too many torturous paths in life to care what anyone else thinks about me. I guess I overexaggerated the "all girls" aspect, but even still - it is definitely favored for people to judge you with assumptions before giving you the time of day to know what you're really about. However, the way you worded your response was superb! Thank you!

Kreshanti,

From my understanding, most of a person's hairloss is genetic and I have been told it comes from your mother's side of the family. Upon digging deeper to find out more, I also thought about my "family tree." My father has a bald spot in the back of his head, as does his father (my grandfather). However, my uncle (mother's die) is completely bald on top, the same going for his father (my other grandfather). To me, it is logical to assume it's genetics working against me rather than my wearing a hat being the issue. I am sure my hat didn't help at all, though. The ironic thing is that I wore a hat very sparingly until I started noticing my hair thinning.

In terms of confidence and security, I'm sorry to say that has no basis on the point I was making. People I am friends with and talk to frequently know why I wear a hat and do not care. This example was based soley on "first impressions." Moreso, I can hardly call it an "impression" considering it is an assumption rather than a factual opinion.

I am actually quite confident and secure about myself. I am 23 years old with a job that people would die to have, I have morals and goals, and know exactly what I want to do with my life and am pushing towards getting there with everyday that passes. To me, that is all I need to make myself happy with who I am. I'm doing better at 23 than some people are doing at 40+. I actually lack all of the things that would make me insecure...

As far as "doing something about it" - it's hard to really do something about it. I'm not to the age of knowing when it'll stop or even if it will stop. I could get hair implantation (or whatever it's called) but that would fix what is missing now. In 5 years, who is to say it wouldn't have progressed further? In which case, I'd have to go back. Also, it is a very expensive proceedure that I honestly don't have to spare. Based on my luck, if I were to spend the money I have put back for a "rainy day" on fixing my hair, chances are the engine in my car would go out tomorrow.

[Meg]

hmmmmm.... i just wanted to say my type is like vin diesel love the bald look and how do you feel about being a toy boy ???? lol

[Meg]

oh B*******R your in the states!!!!!!! ok now im bummed !!

[Kristofer]

I'd suggest you take off the hat, take a photo and put it back on

[Tricky]

Meg, you've officially made my day. But yes, I live in the US.

Kristofer, I have pictures of me without a hat on actually. I just can't be bothered to find them and upload them