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How should I proceed?

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How should I proceed?

Postby Shane on Tue Mar 24, 2009 8:11 pm

I've just met a woman who seems to be very much into me. We met through a mutual club and we had our first date on St. Patty's day. We hit it off so well and we had such a great chemistry together that we finnished the night with a REALLY long kiss good night. WOW...

We've spent a lot of time together already. I brought her flowers today, which she loved. She's a single mother and has a permanent full time job in the government. She's the type of person who hates plans. Loves to live spontaniously, which seems odd to me considering her responsibilities, but who am I to judge, and it seems to be working fine for her. However, because of her dislike for plans, and her responsibilities (children and work comes first) I can see that I'll sort of end up feeling neglected. I don't know when would be a good time to ask her out as she has her children about half of the time, and she's often run right off of her feet. I want to express interest in her, by pursuing a relationship, but don't want to go overboard either. I don't want to keep asking her if she wants to go out till I hit on a good night, remember, no plans are allowed. Yet, I'm not keen on leaving the ball in her court all the time as she may start to feel that I'm not interested. As I've said she often feels run down, no energy to go out and she's very stressed at work, and she has a boarder who doesn't respect her privacy. I want to be part of the solution, not a part of her problems. I've said that I would assist her in any way I can, yet she seems to have a problem letting go of control. Any women have any advice?

Shane
 
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Re: How should I proceed?

Postby Beyondxiao on Tue Mar 24, 2009 8:39 pm

did you let her read this article ? my suggustion is to let her know what is on your mind.ask what time is available for her,have you thought you go her home to help her do some chore,above is only suggestion :)

Beyondxiao
 
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Re: How should I proceed?

Postby Laura on Fri Mar 27, 2009 11:23 am

Sounds like she is pretty happy with her life right now. She may not be looking for something so steady. If you really want he I would suggest backing off a bit. Show up occasionally with flowers in hand. Offer to help with whatever task she might be doing. Or if you spot something like a sticking door, look at it for her.

Invite her and the kids to a dinner, Offer to buy and cook a dinner on a Friday. Dinner and a movie with the kids. Sorry, it goes with the turf.

Sometimes it can be as simple as that. Single working moms want to date too. It is not always easy leaving the kids again.Especially when it is for your own selfish wants. Finding a babysitter can be tough too.

Try to make it easy for her. Remember when you date a person with children in many ways you are dating all of them.

Laura
 
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Re: How should I proceed?

Postby Kirsty on Mon Mar 30, 2009 8:06 am

I agree i have to plan well in advance for babysitter etc. Suggest taking her n kid(s) out with you to zoo or even a park/ picknick weather just now lol maybe even restaurant with a play area keeps them busy and you can get to know each other and it saves her having to cook. However she may not want u to be involved with her kid(s) at this point. If she dosnt make any effort then she may just not be interested. I understand when u say shes run down as im a single mum myself but (when theres a will theres a way) if im interested in some1 i make time

Kirsty
 
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Re: How should I proceed?

Postby Shane on Tue Apr 14, 2009 5:55 pm

Thanks for the advice. That's the angle I'm taking. Love spending time with both her and her daughter, and her daughter has taking a liking to me. Anyway, there's a major issue now. Her ex and the father of her daughter is getting jealous about our relationship. He's changing his schedule for visitations all the time to make it difficult for my GF and for her daughter. It appears she's going back to the original court order where he only gets her every second weekend, versus the 50:50 custody that they agree to so that he doesn't have to pay child support. I told her that I'll give her what ever space she needs to work things out, and that I'm always there to talk to and to assist with things around the house. However, I fear that he just may make things so difficult for us that she'll be left with no option but to end the relationship. It totally sucks.

Shane
 
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Re: How should I proceed?

Postby Kirsty on Tue Apr 14, 2009 6:13 pm

The ex is mostly always a prob (if hes around) wen kids r involved. And theres a new guy on the scene. Only thing i can say is that him rearranging things can only be messing her daughters head around if shes used 2 seeing him on regular consistent days and times. Which will also affect her mum. However everyones different in how they deal with these things. All you can really do is be there (as u are doing) and she will appreciate it in the long run when or if it gets sorted out. She may get really stressed out at times with it all tho so just bear that in mind. She may take the stress out on u depending on how shes dealing with it. U may need the patience of a saint lol

Kirsty
 
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