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Dusty Sex Drive

Postby Big Duffy on Wed Mar 25, 2009 2:13 pm

Ok...a general question...i have been married for 28 years...and 3 years ago the sex stopped...yes there was menopause...and yes i was patient..and yes we have had discussions....but really, how long can a woman go without sex.... :cry:

Big Duffy
 
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Re: Dusty Sex Drive

Postby julz on Wed Mar 25, 2009 7:29 pm

maybe she have other :(

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Re: Dusty Sex Drive

Postby Laura on Thu Mar 26, 2009 12:42 pm

Remember it is only an opinion.

You seem to be in my age groop maybe a bit older. While I have not expirenced menopause yet and dred the day, some of my friends and family have.

After talking with them I am not so certian one has anything to do with the other. For real. I cant speak fom expirence but I can share with you what I know.

Women in their 50's and 60's were raised with the idea sex is bad. They look at it as an obligation to their partner as a "part of the deal" . They have sex, produce and raise children then "retire". Most have never expressed their desires to their partners nor would they.
It is a chore, task, something self giving they are designed to offer.

Women in their 40's and 30's see it as a couples thing. It is something I can do with my partner that we have exclusively. The one thing a couple can do and be together that no one else can be a part of.
An expirence so great and personal it should be looked forward to.

Women in their 20's are hooking up. If he can make it happen for me then we will see what is next.

Most men in their 50's and 60's have been ruined by the idea thet being married is somehow the ultimate gateway to sex. They dont seem to be worried about their partners expirence. In the past the expirence brought her children which is what she is "designed to do". Now she can not. If the expirence was not something you shared as an obligation or means to have children... there is no use for it anymore.

It now needs to be redesigned to meet the needs of both of you. An intamite expirence between you, a way to be close to your spouse or partner that no one else has, a way to express your love again.

Hate to say it but try over again. Flowers, dinner, candy, spend time talking with her, get to know hwr as a person and friend, make sure she knows you are attracted to her. Understand the power of romance and an interest in her.

Don't focus on the sex. It is a bi-product, (good and bad) of every relationship.

Again, just an opinion based on observations and insight from others. I have no real life expirence with menapause but it doesnt sound like it will be a mysterious as it seems.

Best of luck!

Laura
 
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Re: Dusty Sex Drive

Postby Big Duffy on Thu Mar 26, 2009 1:58 pm

thanks laura for you honest response...after 3 years I don't focus on sex at all, because I just assume there won't be any...and that is ok...I don't believe I have to try over because I haven't stopped....we continue to enjoy each others company..never fight...we do the flower thing..spend a month every year in the tropics somewhere and walk beaches and hold hands... it's all good...with the one exception....so perhaps i shouldn't complain because the relationship is 95% there...we kid about me going somewhere else for sex...she says it kiddingly but in someways I am not sure...and believe me..I know her..after all we have been married for 28 years...perhaps it would be easier if we didn't get along....

Big Duffy
 
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Re: Dusty Sex Drive

Postby dermike on Thu Mar 26, 2009 3:49 pm

(Answ. 1st question) maybe forever... that´s life, buddy?

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Re: Dusty Sex Drive

Postby Laura on Thu Mar 26, 2009 4:26 pm

Wow! I really dont know what to say. For women, typically you hear all the good stuff is gone. Just bed, sex, thanks.

Have you tried to talk to her about the sex part? I ask but kinda know the answer already.

Hey I'm divorced so I can only give you information on what I think and know. My ideas werent so successful so I cringe at suggesting anything.

You need to talk to her about the sex part. You need to listen to why she is not responding to you. If your relationship is 90 + there then it cant be unsalvagable.

If she isnt getting anything out of sex right now she needs to feel (with your help) that it is an important part of your relationship for you. Again, The one thing a couple can share that no one else can be a part of. Your exclusive relationship with her.

I wish I had the answers, I wish you the best.

Laura
 
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Re: Dusty Sex Drive

Postby murat on Fri Mar 27, 2009 12:53 am

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Re: Dusty Sex Drive

Postby Laura on Fri Mar 27, 2009 11:03 am

Dont be silly murant. This is serious. Good sex comes as a bi-product of a good relationship. We all can achieve orgazims our own. We dont need to FreeHookup for it or run to a bar. That would be far to easy.

Good sex has emotional connections and shareing of one another in the most intimate way. Otherwise you and I are just toys to one another, and someone has to cook breakfast! Ha, ha.

I'm not into live toys. But thanks.

Laura
 
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Re: Dusty Sex Drive

Postby Big Duffy on Fri Mar 27, 2009 6:27 pm

Boy Laura, you have a lot of insight, thanks for the time and effort you put into the posts....and your intuition was right...we have talked about it...long story short, pardon both puns....it still isn't happening...it seems like the flame has fizzled but I'm too young to die....I forgot what it is like to even be with a woman at this stage..I know it would be clumsy....so perhaps it's just me... I always wondered what it would be like to be a virgin again...perhaps the priesthood is in my future...and your right Laura. It is serious....I wonder at this point why I even posted this...perhaps it's a good way to vent...perhaps you should start your own..."I'm not Dr. Laura" blog...lol...I appreciate your words...thanks

Big Duffy
 
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Re: Dusty Sex Drive

Postby Big Duffy on Fri Mar 27, 2009 6:34 pm

Just an observation...it's amazing the number of men answering the "ask a girl"...section....read into it what you will...lmao...

Big Duffy
 
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