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[Chris]

I think girls like us nice guys because we're safe. We're perceived more like a friend (or brother even...).
My problem is I meet someone, get to know her - then if I start to have feelings and reveal them, I get knocked back. But always with a "you're a nice guy Chris can we just be friends..." and we stay friends.
I've made lots of mates through this.
But then something weird happens. After the situation settles down, my girl friends go through a period of feeling sorry for me and try to set me up with their friend(s)... we get to know each other, become mates... and so the cycle continues. Great for networking but otherwise a right pain in the arse.
However, what is REALLY bizarre is the reaction if and when I get involved with anyone. When I met someone a couple of years ago and we started seeing each other, my female friends - some of whom had knocked me back - got really funny about it. Eventually the relationship broke up because she was pissed off with being looked down on and being bitched about; and I was fed up of constantly having to build bridges. It was a mutual decision to split.
Just want to see if any of the ladies would like to provide their thoughts on this predicament!

[rgfray]

the problem is n't that if girls like nice guys , the problem is there is no nice guys these days .
so sure every girl looking for a nice guy .

WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! - If you have read any of the above posts, you would see there ARE lots of guys out there who aren;t jerks or "bad boys (posers)"

[Ransik]

Anne, great response. Guys, you are largely right. I can give you the girls' perspective on the "nice guys." I was married to one, and now I'm in the middle of a separation (soon to be divorced) from him.

Yeah, he pretty much was the typical "nice" guy. He opened doors (at least for a while), would do anything at all I wanted to do, and would bend over backwards to appease me; but I have no use for a broken man. When the bitter reality of life set in, and we had actual responsibilities, he wouldn't be the man and own up. It was all about what I wanted and he would never take part in a decision. I realized that this guy came with some serious insecurities. I would be forced to make a choice, and he'd be upset about it later, grumpily going about doing what I wanted (and yes, I could tell... ruined any fun we could have had).

He never pursued any goals. Because he said he was afraid that he would inconvenience me or because he thought it would be too hard on the family. We talked about it. I told him that it was important to me for him to be happy, and regardless of his goals, we would go for it together. He still insisted that he couldn't pursue them because he was afraid to hurt the family... he did it for me.

OK. So, am I supposed to feel bad for him?? I regret that I didn't get to know him like I should before I jumped into marriage, and that is a mistake I don't intend on repeating, but seriously. Live your life. Don't let me, or anyone else, take advantage of you, and certainly don't invite it! I would much rather a stronger man say no to me every so often and put his foot down so he maintains his place in the relationship.

My soon-to-be ex has repeatedly been the drama king and insisted that I'm leaving him because he was just too nice. Sure. Whatever. Be nice, just don't be a doormat. You will lose a lot of masculinity if you are a doormat... and THAT is not what women want.

Sorry, this turned into a bit of a rant. My apologies.

What you married is a doormat... big difference between an insecure person and a nice person.

[Ava]

Yes Ransik, he was certainly the extreme...

[Silver]

well the way i see it some guys try to become so nice that they become kiss ass however all they gotta do is stay the way they are so guys you don't have to be a kiss ass to be nice in fact a guy should always have the control and believe you me that's how women like it its quite simple try to show em a good time in bed, instead of acting to be nice give em a vision of your world how you see things love em if they love you respect em if they respect you mm even it up hehehe i believe a relationship stays healthy as long as its even if ones expectations go higher then the other ones ability it wouldn't last long.

[Viktor]

My opinion:
Nice guys are boring. Women needs challenge.

If you will be nice, and you want a girlfriend, search one, which hasn't enough time to play this game.

[Rob]

This thread is getting boring, same old thing over and over.

[Maverick84]

Amen to this post, I can't seem to keep a relationship with a girl at all, I treat a girl nice etc. but at the same time im not the type of person to smother or not want their own space. Where am I going wrong!? Really does get you down when you get "dumped" for no reason or any of the above!

[Elma]

Amen to this post, I can't seem to keep a relationship with a girl at all, I treat a girl nice etc. but at the same time im not the type of person to smother or not want their own space. Where am I going wrong!? Really does get you down when you get "dumped" for no reason or any of the above!

I think it´s not if a woman wants a bad or a nice guy, it´s all about if a woman and men to are ready to commit.
Perhabs i´ve been on my own for too many years but i would really want to find a man that is ready to spoil me/pamper me...... from morning till night So i think it all depends on if that person is really ready to commit or not.

[Mike]

Yes they do.. in there own minds they really do want a Prince charming, a proud Knight to rescue them from the Dragon. However.. I am not blind, I see
(some) women all the time with their asshole boyfriends. Iv'e seen it before, in bars, at malls, when I was in highschool, ect! If women liked nice guys, I would have been taken a decade ago. Granted you don't know me, therefore you can't make that assumption that I am nice. But.. I assure you I am . It does cause me mental stress when I see women being treated like shit, by their men . I wonder often, what was she thinking?! or does she think at all? or what the F### does she see in that piece of shit!?? Women have the power to walk away from garbage like that and seek a real man. One that will treat her like a Princess, and not a door mat! Listen it's not complicated ladies, there are great guys out there, you just have to open your eyes and look! While a lot of women in there 20's are busy pissing around with assholes, they are missing great opportunities to be with a man that they could spend a great deal of quality time with. Some nice guys can only be around for so long, and then.. they either (1- get lucky and marry, (2- get so pissed off at being single, that they end up either hating women, or down the road end up having major phychological issues . Now I read a lot of replies where women stated that they would rather have a bad ass that they could chase and do naughty things with, ect. Well for those of you who are not intelligent enough to understand?.. that is called games, and has F-all to do with dating, friendship or any other moral, value that we uphold in society. Now, women you can still date nice guy's, without having the fear of being bored because he's too nice. Some guys can be everything you look for in a bad ass, but still retain those good boy qualities, without having to get thrown in jail, or do something incredibly stupid. After all for the most part bad asses unlike nice guys are incredably stupid, they are the decendents of jocks and low life social climbers, now tell me? is that suppose to attract a woman? And I thought women liked hygene, and intelligence Am I wrong on this assumption? I personally would rather date a nice girl than go out with a skanky whore, but that's just me . Some people these days just don't know wtf values, and respect means anymore?!