Community

[Jose]

hello no speak english

[Jose]

tank you pauline is bautiful women bisous smack

je ne suis pas abonnée mais mon mail est mon psuedo chez ###. Peut etre à +

je pensais avoir 1 reponse???? *****

[Jose]

i am wanting a man 2 b true,faithful,honest 2 me.i mite have found that kind of man witch i love deep down in my heart.i want a man that i can go farther with in the future.

hello mi jose bordeaux france

[Peter]

Ive been on quite a few sites and am honestly looking for a woman who will accept me for me. I dont lie, ever. I like to think that i understand a womans needs and foibles but what gets me is the way that im treated when and if we meet. I always ask if they would like to bring a friend on our first meeting but ehreact as if im mad. I was brought up with old fashioned ideas and rules regarding women. If i open a door for a ladie in a shop, i dont want to hear ...Im not a cripple i can do it myself...she says with arms loaded with shopping.

I know that somewhere out there is a lady that will see me for who i am. Someone that gets his joy from helping others and doesnt want to be recognised for it. I have a family motto...LOYAL UNTO DEATH. It seems that in a lot of cases Loyalty to a women, added to respect and decency is not what is wanted today.

Then again meybe its just me!

[Red51]

I disagree... we all lie. You lie. I lie. Every man lies, to others, to themselves--especially to themselves! And yes, women lie too. This isn't a good thing, it isn't a bad thing. It's a human thing. Hey, liars---welcome home, to the human race! I'm happy to live among all you liars in the mud!

Sometimes, we lie to keep from hurting someone else (saying, "It's okay," when you know it isn't). Sometimes, we to want to look better in the eyes of someone we like. Yes, it sometimes it's avoiding conflict, but it also can be an attempt to elevate ourselves in others' eyes.

It also can be a lie we tell ourselves over and over until we actually believe it (i.e., "I never lie, ever," or "You can trust me; I'll never hurt you"). These internal lies are biggies because they warp how we see ourselves.

So a little embellishment here, a major embellishment there, and soon, we've created a false image or ourselves that we can't live up to, or that another can believe for very long.

The secret to stopping this cycle? Become aware, become conscious that you are lying and get honest with yourself.

In the end, your word is all you have. When you realize this, you then have to decide whether or not you will hold your word up to the mirror of integrity and honor. If you "are" your word then maybe, someday, you will become less dishonest. Women seem to have a headstart on us in this department, guys.

Me, I'm just a work in progress... but don't believe what I just wrote... it's probably a lie.

[Missparkles]

What a difficult and possibly contentious topic.
I agree with Peter in as much as women nowadays see common respect and courtesy as inequality.
Women have listened to feminist tell them for dacades that they're equal to men.
No we're not.
We deserve the same pay for doing the same job, we deserve to be given the same chance as men in the job market and we have a right to be seen as independant people, not just extentions of our partners.
But we don't have to imitate men to get this.
Feminism, for me is about having the right to equal treatment, whilst retaining my femininity.
I don't have to imitate a man to be given the respect I deserve.
Having doors opened for me, not using foul language in front of me, (yes if I drop something at home I do curse under my breath, I am human) or to me, and valuing me for my difference.
I understand just what you're saying Peter.
But Red is also spot on, of course we all lie.
We behave differently at home than we do when we go out. In front of family and friends we feel comfortable to be more honest about ourselves, (after all they know us best, and accept us as such) with strangers we tend to be better behaved, especially if we wish to make a good impression.
But there are acceptable lies and unacceptable ones.
Telling a friend that they look horrendous in a dress they adore would be cruel, but I wouldn't lie and say I liked it.
Age does have it's benefits.
It's called diplomacy.
I'd tell my friend that she looked nice, but try my hardest to convince her that another option would suit her better.
I'd appeal to her vanity. Yes, we all have that quality too.
Some aspects of ourselves we see as negative really aren't. They're social coping strategies that enable us to live together.
Can you imagine what it would be like living with people that were all completely honest?
Sheer hell.
Any lie that would or could hurt someone, or a lie to make someone feel less than they are, just so that we can feel superior, is completely unacceptable.
I think that using tact is just something one does to prevent hurting another person.
The difficult part is identifying one from the other and using accordingly.
Some people I've come into brief contact with here wouldn't have a clue if tact bit them on the nose in broad daylight.
I enjoy the various opinions that people on this forum have. I agree with some of them, but respect them all.
Thanks for listening.

Missparkles.

[Red51]

Missparkles, you have said what I wanted to say soooo much better. And thank you; I don't ever recall being "spot on" before. Why, I'm a tad puffed out now!

You are very right about 'white' lies (brief detours to protect feelings) and 'black' lies (where what we say is intentionally dishonest or an attempt to gain something we haven't earned). Telling the difference can, however, be a little easier if you take a vow to be honest. Practice the phrase "I am nothing but my word." Very soon, any lie you tell will loom large before you. After all, no one wants to be 'nothing.'

I also agree with your stance on equality. Viva la differénce!

You are spot on with your comments about diplomacy.... yikes! If I had a bad hair day (that is, if I had enough hair on top to have one), and everyone said something like, "OMG, what's with your hair," what a terrible world where I couldn't say, "You should have seen the trout that got away;;; it was this big!"

Personally, I've sworn to create honest and open communication in the areas of my life that involve personal relations--in my work, with my family, and in my emotional life--everywhere. I also temper this with compassion. It's very hard to do, but I've learned that, with practice, it becomes easier. I've also promised myself not to force my own view of the world on people, so I'll shut up now.

Oops... after posting this, I realized that I omitted the toughest part of me trying to be honest in my life--being honest with myself.

I've enjoyed all the posts so far in this thread; it's so refreshing!

[Missparkles]

Red, I think you've hit the nail on the head. Personal integrity can be one of the most painful aspects of honesty. But once you begin to pratice, and that's all any of us do, it does become easier.
It certainly makes the next step a lot easier.
Self acceptance.
If you can be painfully honest with yourself, you will also see that it's not all bad, we all have some really positive traits.
When I was younger, if I ever stopped for for more than a few minutes of self analysis, I didn't like what I saw. Now with age, experience and wisdom, I realise that the negative aspects are equally ballanced with positive ones.
I accept both willingly, without one I wouldn't have the other. Without both, I wouldn't be who I am.
I like who I am, so can live with myself.
How can I honestly expect anyone else to want to want to spend time with me, let alone feel comfortable doing so, if I can't do this myself?
I suppose we're all too hard on ourselves, looking around at other people my age, I sometimes wonder why I'm on my own.
And yes for a second, all of the negatives pop into my mind, but now just as quick, I see the positive qualities I possess, and I'm ok with myself.
It must be the similar for most people in my situation, or they wouldn't be here.
Thanks again for everyone's insightful opinions.

Missparkles.